Progress... but no celebration yet.

My scale weight is at 305. Seven pounds less than when I began this blog. But I'm not celebratory yet. In years past I've seen 5-10 pound oscillations in my weight. If, as I suspect, I was at one of the high points when I began, then this is more a return to my standard weight.

If I go below 300, I'll consider that a victory. If a small one.

One day at a time

Yes, it's been almost a month since my last post and no, it hasn't gone well.

What I can say is that I've started to understand when addicts talk about taking it "one day at a time." You can't say "I'm not going to give in from here on" because that's too much. It's too overwhelming. All you can do is say "I'm not going to give in today."

Following that, I've avoided eating out since Sunday, or actually Monday when I had a Subway sandwich. But that was free from my Subway Points and (for now) not spending money is more important than losing weight. Tomorrow will be the challenge. I have to go get a haircut and the go to a movie with a friend. For the first day since Sunday I'll be taking money out of the house. So it'll be a challenge to spend only on those two things.

Cold Turkey?

When one is addicted to a substance, it's often suggested that going "cold turkey," i.e. suddenly and completely abstaining from it, is a good way to go.

...but if what you're addicted to is food?

All I can do is try to avoid fast food, which should be a great improvement. But where do I draw the line? No Burger King or McDonalds is clear enough. But what about Subway sandwiches? What about the BBQ pork sandwiches at the cafeteria where I work? Do I just go with foods I cook myself? That's not practical, unfortunately. I know from a painful few weeks in college that I'm not wired for vegetarianism. So what's the cut-off from "Bad Food" to "Good Food?"

Nothing too new, good or bad to say. I didn't eat any fast food today. I had bean dip and chips for breakfast, a pork sandwich from my store's cafe for lunch, and I'm thinking about spaghetti for dinner. Walking home from the bus today, I felt fat. Just seemed to be waddling and my thighs were chafing from rubbing together.

Continuing failure

Well, what can I say? My success has been non-existent lately.

The "leaving the money at home" option became non-viable due to various things I need money for during the day, and when I gave in it was always with a larger splurge than I usually would take since, of course, "this will be the last time."

*sigh*

Well, I did NOT splurge on junk food today, but that was because I splurged on home-made food. For the first time I tried to cook a meatloaf. It was... a good first attempt. Edible, but nothing special. I ended up eating about half of it for lunch, then made brownies and ate 1/4th the pan, then had fish sticks and celery for dinner. So... not quite a success, but better than I've been doing.

Discrimination

Tomorrow, I'm going with some friends to see a parade.  I thought it would be a good idea to stop and get one of those portable chairs people take to events like that. I got to the store just as they were closing and had to rush to the aisle. 

Now,  I'll be first to admit that it was not a big store, and their entire selection seemed to be from one distributor.  Nonetheless, it was more than a little discouraging to see that all the ones they had said "max weight 225 lbs."

*facepalm*

Backlash

[bak-lash]  

–noun

1. a sudden, forceful backward movement; recoil.

2. a strong or violent reaction, as to some social or political change

So, as you may or may not have guessed from my long absence, it hasn't been going well.  In the two weeks since my last post, I have spent $328.24 on fast food.  The good news is that it doesn't seem to have affected my weight.  I still weigh in at 312.  But that didn't do any good for my pocketbook.  I'm technically in the red right now, relying on the fact that I get paid tomorrow to keep my electric bill from bouncing.

Can I explain what's been going through my head the last two weeks?  The constant justifications, deals, and just plain who-gives-a-crap moments?  I'll have to revert to extreme measures.  I've done it a couple times before when my finances got dangerously low, and it has the side benefit of being good for keeping my mouth empty.  Simply put, I cut myself off from spending.  My credit and bank cards get removed from my wallet and left on my desk during the day.  If I want to buy food, I have to come home first, where there already is food.

The only positive thing I can report from the last two weeks was the day I went for a roughly four mile walk from Somerville to Boston Commons.  Still, smaller more regular walks would be better.